Adopted, I never quite fit in, nor did I live anywhere long enough to feel grounded. My family moved from one US National Forest Service Station to the next. The forest became my constant, my home, my place; I feel safe here. In search of a larger world context I traced my ancestors to Finland. Upon my arrival I was overcome with emotions: love; connectedness; relief; sadness; loss, detachment and grief. The Finns use the word ‘kaiho’ to describe this hopeless binary sense of melancholic and nostalgic longing.